Community – S05E11:
— Look, I’m not good at eulogies because I’ve never had to give one. All I want to know is, how did G.I. Joe do this? We’ve been shooting at each other and missing for 20 years.

Community – S05E11:

— Look, I’m not good at eulogies because I’ve never had to give one. All I want to know is, how did G.I. Joe do this? We’ve been shooting at each other and missing for 20 years.

Californication – S07E01:
— He’s totally hot.
— What? Westside yoga guy? That is the oldest schtick in the book, Karen. You’re not falling for that. His cum probably tastes like hummus. Cummus.

Californication – S07E01:

— He’s totally hot.

— What? Westside yoga guy? That is the oldest schtick in the book, Karen. You’re not falling for that. His cum probably tastes like hummus. Cummus.

House of Cards – S02E07:
— What should we serve the Walkers?
— Cyanide.

House of Cards – S02E07:

— What should we serve the Walkers?

— Cyanide.

The Blacklist – S01E18:
— You know, this artist got his start with puppets. What is it about puppets? It’s the same with clowns. I’ll never forget a puppet show I saw when I was 5, maybe 6. “Hansel and Gretel.”
— Why are we here?
— Scared me to death. But it wasn’t the witch. It was the oven. Imagine an oven puppet. I don’t think I set foot in our kitchen for a month.

The Blacklist – S01E18:

— You know, this artist got his start with puppets. What is it about puppets? It’s the same with clowns. I’ll never forget a puppet show I saw when I was 5, maybe 6. “Hansel and Gretel.”

— Why are we here?

— Scared me to death. But it wasn’t the witch. It was the oven. Imagine an oven puppet. I don’t think I set foot in our kitchen for a month.

The Blacklist – S01E18:
— I can’t understand why you insist on chasing that woman. All right. The villa is yours. And if it doesn’t work out with Fadila, I know a ravishing Dane who would adore you. She’s slightly cross-eyed and there’s something very hypnotic about her gaze.

The Blacklist – S01E18:

— I can’t understand why you insist on chasing that woman. All right. The villa is yours. And if it doesn’t work out with Fadila, I know a ravishing Dane who would adore you. She’s slightly cross-eyed and there’s something very hypnotic about her gaze.

The Big Bang Theory – S07E20:
— Oh, no. What have I done?

The Big Bang Theory – S07E20:

— Oh, no. What have I done?

Shameless – S04E12:
— We’ve started you on a course of immunosuppressive neoral, which you’ll need to continue for the rest of your life, to avoid rejecting your transplant. There are a few side effects. High blood pressure, hand tremors, headaches, increased hair growth, swollen gums, night sweats, and an elevated chance of depression. You’ll also be on prednisone.
— Does that have a Dr. Frankenstein list of side effects, too?
— Stomach ulcers, acne, cataracts, glaucoma, diarrhea, nightmares, insomnia, more hair growth.

Shameless – S04E12:

— We’ve started you on a course of immunosuppressive neoral, which you’ll need to continue for the rest of your life, to avoid rejecting your transplant. There are a few side effects. High blood pressure, hand tremors, headaches, increased hair growth, swollen gums, night sweats, and an elevated chance of depression. You’ll also be on prednisone.

— Does that have a Dr. Frankenstein list of side effects, too?

— Stomach ulcers, acne, cataracts, glaucoma, diarrhea, nightmares, insomnia, more hair growth.

New Girl – S03E20 — I’m Jewish

— Um, I think your bagel fell out of your mouth.

— I’m Jewish.

New Girl – S03E18:
— Then how do you explain this?
— I put my coffee grounds in a plastic bag so it doesn’t get the rest of my trash dirty.

New Girl – S03E18:

— Then how do you explain this?

— I put my coffee grounds in a plastic bag so it doesn’t get the rest of my trash dirty.

Community – S05E10:
— Should you receive this message, I know of a way to reunite. According to my character sheet, if I rub the blade of our magic family sword while you rub the hilt, twin beacons of light will reveal our locations to each other. Each night, I will think of you and rub, praying for the night fate will find us rubbing together. Your son, Joseph Gordon diehard.

Community – S05E10:

— Should you receive this message, I know of a way to reunite. According to my character sheet, if I rub the blade of our magic family sword while you rub the hilt, twin beacons of light will reveal our locations to each other. Each night, I will think of you and rub, praying for the night fate will find us rubbing together. Your son, Joseph Gordon diehard.

Modern Family – S05E19:
— Aw, Phil. You’re the best. There’s no one like you.

Modern Family – S05E19:

— Aw, Phil. You’re the best. There’s no one like you.

The Big Bang Theory – S07E19:
— Penny? We’re working together! Awesome!

The Big Bang Theory – S07E19:

— Penny? We’re working together! Awesome!

The X-Files – S03E13:
— Where is she going?
— You don’t suppose she’s a virgin, do you?
— I doubt she’s even a blond.

The X-Files – S03E13:

— Where is she going?

— You don’t suppose she’s a virgin, do you?

— I doubt she’s even a blond.

Saturday Night Live – S39E14:
— I think you’re exaggerating, Ellen.

Saturday Night Live – S39E14:

— I think you’re exaggerating, Ellen.

Modern Family – S05E18:
— Can I just segue, sir, to the importance of discretion in my job?

Modern Family – S05E18:

— Can I just segue, sir, to the importance of discretion in my job?